I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
