Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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