You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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