Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
40s are totally the cure
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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