Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
