I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
