If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
