I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
