One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
