dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
