She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
