One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
