k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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