He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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