My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
