id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
