My room smells like vodka and shame
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
