If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
