Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
