"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is my gift to your gina
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
