drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
