All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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