Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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