well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
