so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
