I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
