i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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