Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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