she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just pee around me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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