I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
