nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
