shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
