I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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