I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize