I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize