I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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