The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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