were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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