All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
two words: eviction party
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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