i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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