we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
