I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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