i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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