life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
