i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
