He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
