I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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