Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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