i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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