I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
