First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
