I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Duck Duck Cougar?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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