i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
