babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need a beard to bite.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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