I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
