She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
