I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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