For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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