I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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