who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
