The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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