Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
