I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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