I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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