do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize