She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
