not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
birth control should be required to get into college
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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